I miss my mom so much and the holidays are really brutal. But what was harder was sitting there Christmas Eve being forced sitting dead center in someone else’s family handing out gifts and not because I didn’t get anything which I didn’t expect anyway, it was just kind of awkward having to pass out the gifts and having it obvious that you were a last minute invite and weren’t really wanted there. My second family and I tried to not let it bother me because I’m at least not alone on Christmas but it wasn’t fair sitting dead center so I could watch everyone open presents and not even give us some of the babies stuff to at least open and be included even with nothing for us and at least feel included but I spent most of the time sitting by myself or with people there who I know hate me. It almost feels like a joke invite and everyone was surprised we came. I just miss my mom and wish I had a family. I just feel so empty and nobody understands how I feel. All I want to do is lay in bed and cry. All everyone keeps saying is well at least you have your dad. He is only popping up because he thinks now that mom is gone he and his bitch ass wife can take her place and it’s not fair that I have to let him In because I need help and I just wish it was him instead of her. All I hear is trust god but fuck god I prayed and begged him not to take her and he did. If there is a god he wants me to suffer an eternity of loss and sadness and if that’s the case then mission accomplished

the-suicide-effect:

“Maybe he left because he saw me the way I see myself”

brokenflicker:

I’m thinking about ending it again and i don’t even care about the consequences, i just want out.

— my mind won’t shut up

It’ll probably be sooner than later

brokenflicker:

I’m thinking about ending it again and i don’t even care about the consequences, i just want out.

— my mind won’t shut up

can-i-give-up-now-please:

I can’t get rid of that feeling that I wasn’t made for this world

My brain has malfunctioned

I am an error

I shouldn’t be here

21.08.21

quietlyydying:

nothing hurts more than the person you love telling you they don’t feel the same anymore.

Or when they point blank said they never loved you and how you were to stupid to realize they would never love someone like you

quietlyydying:

and you try, and you try, and you try,

but it simply is not good enough.

quietlyydying:

why?

why must i destroy everything i touch?

my-life-in-darknesss:

I hope I don’t wake up tomorrow

I can’t take this anymore

(via myownfxckingnightmare)

I wish wasting 3 years on would have been worth it like everyone else but no matter how hard I tried I wasn’t good enough I tried so hard but I could t even get a man to stay in the same state as me